Where politics divide, poetry unites. Where weapons threaten, music listens. Where fear builds walls, art opens doors. When war is the loudest sound in the room, let the artist be the one who dares to play a quieter note, and lead us all home We are living in fractured times. Across borders and belief systems, the world feels like it’s holding its breath... Tensions mounting, polarities deepening, and the flame of war flickering far too close for comfort. In such moments, leadership often doubles down on strategy: meetings behind closed doors, economic sanctions, military posturing, and careful choreography of language. But what if we’ve been looking in the wrong places for the keys to peace? What if the way forward doesn’t come through stronger arguments, but through softer connections? What if the most powerful form of leadership on the global stage isn't control, but creation? PEACE AS A CULTURAL PRACTICE Imagine this: A peace summit that doesn’t begin with formal speeches, but with a shared piece of music, a melody carried by both a Persian setar and an Israeli oud, playing in harmony. Or a negotiation table surrounded not just by flags and security personnel, but by poems etched in different alphabets, stories passed down from elders and tapestries woven by hands from all sides of a border. Imagine leaders walking through an exhibit of ancestral artifacts, each object a quiet reminder: We have all loved. We have all lost. We have all hoped for our children to grow up safe. Because before we were politicians, we were poets. Before we were heads of state, we were heads of households. Before we led countries, we belonged to cultures – we belong to heritage. THE ROLE OF ART IN LEADERSHIP AT SCALE Art, music, dance, storytelling - these are not soft distractions. They are soul technologies. They bypass logic and pierce the heart. They build bridges where words cannot. In leadership, especially geopolitical leadership, this is not sentimentality. It could be a profound intervention and strategy. Because when leaders connect at the soul level, something shifts: They stop negotiating power. And begin negotiating humanity. POSSIBLE SCENARIOS: HOW THE ARTS COULD LEAD PEACE 1. Cultural Heritage Summits as Preludes to Peace Talks Before any formal negotiation begins, world leaders are invited into a brief but immersive cultural experiences from the regions in conflict: a food ritual, traditional song, an impactful community story, or ancestral craft. Why? Because to honor what the other comes from is to remember what we belong to, together. This softens hearts. It reveals beauty in the other. It sets a tone of respect before resolution. 2. Poetry and Music as Diplomatic Language Words in political discourse are often sterile, tactical, or coded. But poetry and music? They reveal the unsaid. They speak to grief, longing, courage, and forgiveness. What if, instead of only exchanging legal documents, each delegation also presented a piece of poetry that reflected their people's suffering and hope? What if symphonies were co-composed across enemy lines - literally making harmony out of historical discord? Sound heals what language can’t touch. 3. Global Cultural Embassies & Peace Residencies Appoint artists, not just diplomats, as peace envoys. Create cross-cultural residencies where musicians, dancers and visual artists collaborate across conflict zones. Let their work inviting all involved into the possibility of unity through shared expression. Because peace cannot be decreed from the top down. It must be felt from the inside out. THE BRAVE NEW ROLE OF WORLD LEADERS For this to happen, global leaders would need to evolve. Not just to strategists, but storykeepers. Not only commanders, but connectors. Not only defenders of borders, but weavers of belonging. This calls for a new kind of courage. The courage to bring a song into a war room. The courage to pause for poetry in the face of pain. The courage to lead not from might, but from meaning. WHEN STORIES ARE SHARED, PEACE FINDS A PLACE TO LAND We often try to cross divides with debate, data, and diplomacy. But real connection rarely happens through the mind alone. It happens when hearts recognize each other. A story, a poem, a shared memory through melody. These are not mere niceties. They are bridges. They remind us that beneath politics are people. And beneath opposition is often a shared longing. Leaders who invite shared stories into the room make space for shared futures to emerge. Because peace isn't only negotiated at tables. It is felt first in the soul, and only then becomes a possibility in the world. FINAL THOUGHT The conflicts of today are ancient, tangled, and politically complex. But the longing underneath is simple: To be heard. To be safe. To be human. And in art -in shared culture- we remember what unites us before what divides us. Leadership, then, is not just about hard choices. It’s about soft landings. There may be no gentler thread to weave our souls together than the rhythm of music, the power of a shared tale, or the stillness between once-separate hearts. ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org

Why every meeting deserves a moment of presence, honesty, and intention Before a team can align on action, it must align on presence. The check-in is where leadership begins We live in a world of noise. Meetings follow meetings. Deadlines layer upon decisions. The calendar is packed, the inbox overflowing. And yet, amidst all this structure, something essential is often missing. Presence. Not just showing up. But being here. Fully. Emotionally. Mentally. Energetically. And this is exactly what the simple -yet transformative- ritual of a Check-In invites into the room. A PAUSE WITH PURPOSE A Check-In isn’t small talk. It’s not a formality. It’s not another thing to rush through before getting to the “real work.” It is the real work. Because behind every report, strategy, and slide deck is a human. A story. A mood. A heart. And when those hearts don’t connect, collaboration becomes hollow. A Check-In opens the space to reconnect: with yourself, with each other, and with why you’re here in the first place. THE PRACTICE: THREE QUESTIONS THAT CHANGE EVERYTHING Start every meeting with these three simple, powerful questions, and have the participants share their responses with each other, so they connect on a deeper level: What do I feel? This builds inner awareness and emotional honesty and you get more grounded. It can be as simple as “tired,” “excited,” “anxious,” “calm.” There’s no right answer. Only real ones. What could prevent me from being fully present? Maybe it’s an unfinished task, a difficult conversation lingering, or something personal. Naming it doesn't require solving it. But by voicing it, you loosen its grip. What is my intention for this meeting? This could be a goal (“I want clarity”), a behavior (“I want to listen more”), or an energy (“I want to be open-minded”). It sets the tone for the meeting. One by one, voices go around the (virtual or physical) circle. The room shifts. The air softens. People open up. The group exhales. Presence lands. WHY IT WORKS It aligns energy. Everyone arrives from somewhere else - mentally, emotionally, geographically. A Check-In brings us to the same place. It creates psychological safety. Vulnerability invites trust. Trust invites truth. And truth fuels progress. It builds culture. Over time, this ritual becomes a shared rhythm, a moment where people are seen, not just expected to perform. It deepens leadership. Because real leadership begins not with knowing the answer, but knowing yourself. THE CHECK IN AS A MIDWAY RESET A cross-functional leadership team was in the middle of a heated strategy session. Discussions looped, tensions rose, and the energy in the room felt heavy. No one was truly listening, just defending ideas or staying quiet to avoid conflict. Sensing the stuckness, one of the team members paused the meeting. “Let’s do a quick Check-In,” she said. “Where are you, right now? What’s one word for how you feel? And what’s your intention for the rest of this session?” The room went still. Then slowly: “Frustrated... I want to realign.” “Tired... but I care about this outcome.” “Distracted... I want to bring my best attention back.” Within ten minutes, the energy shifted. The defensiveness softened. People began speaking with clarity, not just urgency. The group moved from disconnection to co-creation and left with a strategy that felt aligned and alive. Sometimes the most powerful move isn’t forward. It’s inward. WHAT A CHECK-IN IS NOT A therapy session A time to vent endlessly A replacement for doing the work It’s a gentle threshold. From the outside world into this shared moment. From fragmented attention to meaningful presence. IN A WORLD OF SPEED, CHOOSE STILLNESS You don’t need more icebreakers. You need soul-openers . And that’s what a Check-In does. It says: “Before we jump in, let’s just be here. Before we push ahead, let’s take a breath. Before we act, let’s feel, connect, and align.” FINAL THOUGHT Whether your team is seasoned or struggling, remote or in-person, the Check-In is a practice that builds bridges. It doesn’t cost a thing. Takes just a few minutes. And it just might be the most powerful leadership move you make all week. ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org

Why Reflective and Introverted Leaders Are More Relevant Than Ever True leadership doesn’t require volume. It requires presence. In a world full of noise, the quiet ones are often the ones who truly lead In today’s world of loud voices, quick takes, and viral visibility, it might seem like leadership belongs to the boldest personalities in the room. The ones who command attention, own the stage, and fill every space with charisma and certainty. But there’s another kind of leader -one who doesn’t shout to be heard, but listens to understand. One who doesn’t chase visibility, but cultivates vision. One who doesn’t react impulsively, but reflects intentionally. They are the introverts. The reflectors. The observers. And yes, they absolutely belong at the top. THE MYTH: LOUD = LEADER There’s a cultural myth that’s long shaped our ideas of leadership: that to lead, you must be extroverted. Assertive. Confident. Always on. Always vocal. But this myth is breaking. In a world of constant noise, the ability to pause, reflect, and truly see what others miss is becoming a rare and valuable leadership superpower. Introverted and reflective leaders may not speak first in a meeting, but when they do, their words often carry more weight, because they come from depth, not impulse. WHAT INTROVERTED LEADERS BRING TO THE TABLE While extroverted leaders often bring energy and momentum, introverted leaders bring essential qualities that balance, deepen, and steady the system. For example: Deep Listening: Instead of formulating their next point while someone is speaking, introverts truly listen. And in that listening, they earn trust. Thoughtful Decision-Making: Reflective leaders take time to process complexity. They’re not swayed by trends or panic—they make grounded, wise decisions. Empathy Through Observation: Introverts tend to notice subtle cues in team dynamics. They pick up what’s unspoken. They tune in. Calm Presence in Chaos: In high-stakes or emotionally charged environments, reflective leaders often serve as the grounding force that keeps teams centered. Focus Over Flash: While they may not thrive in constant self-promotion, they bring a deep commitment to doing meaningful work -and doing it well. DO THEY RISE TO THE TOP? Yes. And not despite being introverted, but because of it. Leaders that are more introvert bring quiet strength, deep thoughtfulness, and presence over performance. They gain influence not by outshining others, but by building trust, creating clarity, and aligning people around a shared vision. They don’t dominate. They illuminate. LEADING WITHOUT SHOUTING In a workplace culture that often rewards those who speak first or loudest, introverted leaders can sometimes feel invisible. But visibility and value are not the same. You don’t need to become someone else to lead powerfully. You don’t need to “fix” your quiet nature. You simply need to own it and find the spaces where your style brings depth and direction. And if you are building a company or leading a team, your greatest impact might not come from charisma, but from clarity, connection, and conscious presence. REFRAMING THE NARRATIVE Instead of saying: “I’m too quiet to lead…” Try asking: “What kind of leadership am I uniquely equipped for?” Because the future doesn’t need more noise. It needs more wisdom. It needs more depth. It needs YOU. So, especially for the introverts out there, here are some reflective questions: When do I feel most aligned in my leadership -speaking or listening? What environments allow my reflective strengths to shine? Where have I underestimated the quiet impact I’ve made? ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org

The Rise of Centralized Power and the Fall of Connection In a world of digital noise and distant decisions, the most powerful leaders are those who are still felt -long after the meeting ends. In a world of accelerating technology, remote teams, and AI-powered decision-making, one question echoes louder than ever: Can leadership still be felt? Not read about in an email. Not heard through a screen. Felt. In the room. In the body. In the system. As political institutions, like for example the EU, grow more centralized, and corporations follow similar patterns of consolidating decision-making at the top, we’re witnessing a paradox: The more we centralize control, the more we risk losing connection. THE DIGITAL DISCONNECT: A CRISIS OF FELT LEADERSHIP Centralization promises efficiency. Remote work promises flexibility. Technology promises speed. But promises come with costs. Leaders now speak to hundreds -sometimes thousands -through mass emails, town halls, or pre-recorded videos. Most communication happens via virtual meetings. Human presence is pixelated. Feedback loops are weakened. Decision-making happens in the abstract, not the embodied. And while it all might look smooth from the dashboard… Down on the ground, people feel it: A lack of resonance A sense of being overlooked A growing detachment from the "center" This is not just about poor communication. It’s about an absence of energetic leadership. Of sensed presence . EMBODIED LEADERSHIP CAN’T BE OUTSOURCED The term “embodied leadership” has gained traction in leadership development circles, but it’s often misunderstood. It’s not just about posture, breathwork, or presence in a performance sense. It’s about being so fully attuned to your values, your people, and your environment that your leadership is felt -even before you speak. Now ask yourself: How can that kind of leadership be embodied… if no one is in the same room? Can you be an “embodied” leader if no one experiences you in the body? It’s like trying to light a fire with no kindling in sight. You might still be the flame, but there’s nothing close enough to catch it. SENSED LEADERSHIP: A TWO-WAY CHANNEL In truly alive organizations, leadership is not a one-way broadcast -it’s a field. It’s a felt experience, where people: Sense the priorities, tone, and alignment of their leaders Influence the field with their own energy, questions, and contributions Feel they are seen, not just managed This is what we might call sensed leadership. It’s mutual. It’s dynamic. And it cannot be manufactured. In a system that over-centralizes or over-virtualizes, this mutual sensing collapses. People stop tuning in. They go on autopilot. Disengagement becomes normalized. THE PITFALL OF ‘CONTROLLING THE MASS’ Much like political institutions trying to govern millions from a central city, many corporate headquarters make strategic decisions far removed from day-to-day operations. These decisions may be logical. But they often: Land without context Miss local nuance Trigger resistance rather than resonance As a result, control tightens. Surveillance grows. KPIs multiply. But nothing feels better. Trust doesn’t increase. Because trust isn’t a function of tracking. It’s a function of proximity -emotional, relational, and energetic. THE CASE FOR RE-DISTRIBUTED PRESENCE We don’t need leaders to be everywhere. But we do need leadership to be felt everywhere. This means shifting from a model of: ‘Top-down command’ to ‘Distributed presence’ ‘Centralized control’ to ‘Local empowerment’ ‘One voice speak’s to ‘Many voices sense and shape’ It’s not about chaos or lack of structure. It’s about shared ownership of the “field.” BRIDGING THE GAP: WHAT LEADERS CAN DO NOW Here are a few ways leaders can cultivate embodied and sensed leadership -even across distance: 1. Tune Your Energy Before You Tune the Message Before you lead a meeting, write a strategy doc, or send a team-wide note, ask: What energy am I carrying right now? Are you grounded, reactive, anxious, hopeful? Your state shapes the field more than your words do. Embodied leadership starts within -then extends outward. 2. Coherence Beats Control In nature, flocks of birds or schools of fish move in beautiful synchrony. Not because one bird barks orders, but because there is coherence. Build cultural coherence instead of enforcing rigid compliance. When the center stands for something true, the edges naturally align. 3. Create Circles, Not Just Pyramids Instead of reinforcing the org chart in every meeting, experiment with circles of conversation -small, reflective, presence-based moments where mutual sensing can occur. Ask questions like: What’s alive in our team right now? What are we not naming? What’s one thing we need to feel more connected as a system? 4. Remember: Real Connection is Physical Make physical presence a strategic priority. Not for more slide decks. But for more sensing. The nervous system needs eye contact. The body needs shared rhythm. Trust needs space beyond the agenda. If you're leading across the world -gather at key moments. Make it matter. WHY THIS MATTERS: BEYOND LEADERSHIP We are living in a time of re-weaving. Old models of power and presence are dissolving. New ones are asking to be born. Embodied leadership isn’t a trend. It’s a necessity. Because in a world of noise, only the felt will resonate. And in systems of distance, disconnection, and data overload, what people are really craving is this: “ Can I still feel you? ” And even more: “ Can I feel myself in this system? ” If the answer is no, no strategy will land. If the answer is yes -you’re not just leading. You’re awakening the system. ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org

How to relight a team's fire from within Teams rarely need more noise - they need a leader who can listen for the spark beneath the silence You know the kind of team I’m talking about. They’re not failing. They’re not fighting. They’re just… flat. The work gets done. People are pleasant. But the energy? Gone. No buzz of innovation. No edge-of-your-seat excitement. Just routine. Politeness. Silence. It’s the kind of team that once had fire. In the beginning, maybe they were hungry, creative, united. But over time, something shifted. Maybe slowly. Maybe quietly. Now they function, but no longer flourish. And if you’ve ever led a team like this, you know: It’s not chaos that’s hardest to fix -it’s apathy. THE HIDDEN COST OF A TEAM ON AUTOPILOT Teams don’t crumble overnight. They fade. And when that fading becomes normalized - when “fine” becomes acceptable - you start to see ripple effects: Innovation drops. Ownership weakens. Meetings feel like ticking boxes instead of sparking ideas. Connection erodes. Eventually, so does performance. And the worst part? There’s often no villain. No crisis. No drama. Just a slow slide into cultural numbness. WHY FORCING POSITIVITY BACKFIRES A common reaction from well-meaning leaders: “Let’s bring in energy! Let’s run a fun offsite! Let’s do a motivation session!” But if you’ve ever tried to force energy onto a disengaged team, you know it doesn’t work. Positivity without presence becomes performance. It feels fake. It exhausts people. And it bypasses the real issue: disconnection. So what does bring a team back to life? Let’s explore a more soulful path to re-igniting the spark. 1. START WITH TRUTH, NOT HYPE Instead of rushing to fix or energize, begin with an honest question: “What’s really going on here beneath the surface?” Create space to hear how people actually feel - not just what they think they should say. Try anonymous reflections, 1:1s, or circle-style check-ins. Invite openness. And most importantly: model it. If you name the “numbness” with compassion and curiosity, others will feel safer to name it too. Because once you name it, you can work with it. What we suppress, stagnates. What we acknowledge, begins to move. 2. REVISIT PURPOSE - TOGETHER Teams lose energy when they lose why they exist. Not the formal mission statement, but the real shared purpose: Who are we here to serve? What impact are we here to make? What part of our work makes us feel alive? Purpose can’t be imposed. It must be co-created. Try this: Ask each person to write a paragraph titled “Why This Work Still Matters.” Then read them aloud in a team session. You might be surprised how many people still care - they’ve just lost touch with it. 3. CREATE SMALL SPARKS, NOT BIG BANGS Reigniting a team doesn’t always take grand gestures. Sometimes, it’s about creating micro-sparks - small moments of meaning that break the routine. Ideas: Rotate “story time” in meetings: a customer win, a personal insight, a funny moment. Host a “no agenda” lunch or walk. Invite one team member each week to share a quote, song, or photo that inspires them. When people are emotionally flat, they don’t need hype. They need to feel human again. 4. MAKE ROOM FOR CREATIVE TENSION Innovation comes from the edges -the tension between what is and what could be. If a team avoids conflict, never challenges ideas, or plays it safe, they slowly become less alive. Re-energize by inviting healthy creative tension: Ask: “What are we tolerating that we’ve stopped questioning?” Say: “If we were 10x bolder, what would we change?” Encourage respectful challenge — not to attack, but to evolve. Safe does not equal flat. Safety + stretch = spark. 5. TEND TO THE INVISIBLE Sometimes what’s draining energy isn’t spoken at all. Unresolved grief. Burnout. Role ambiguity. Underlying misalignment. This is where leadership becomes more like acupuncture than architecture - sensing the energy meridians and pressure points of the team. Ask: Who’s been quiet lately? Where’s the tension sitting unspoken? What’s not being said that needs to be voiced? These are the hidden threads that, when brought to light, unlock movement again. 6. DON’T RESCUE - REAWAKEN As a leader, your job isn’t to cheerlead people back to life. It’s to create a container where they rediscover what makes them come alive. That means: Listening deeply. Asking powerful questions. Holding space for discomfort. Celebrating small sparks. Trusting the team’s capacity to re-engage. The energy is there. It’s just dormant - not dead. FINAL THOUGHT Most teams don’t burn out from too much intensity. They fade from too little meaning. So the question isn’t: How do I inject energy into this team? The question is: How do I remove what’s blocking the energy already inside them from flowing again? Reconnection is the path. Reinvention may follow. But the spark? It starts with how you show up, hold space, and reawaken what’s been waiting to come back to life. ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org

Navigating Change Without Losing Your Soul The strongest leaders don’t chase every wave - they follow the river of their deeper vision In a world of constant flux, every business is being urged -if not shoved- toward rapid responsiveness. Customers demand immediacy. Markets shift overnight. Stakeholders want answers before you even understand the question. So, what’s a leader to do? Listen. Adapt. React. Evolve. Right? Yes -and no. Because in this pursuit of agility, many leadership teams wake up one day and ask a haunting question: “ What are we even doing anymore? ” Not because the business isn’t active or responsive - but because, in all the reacting, they’ve lost their why. The slow erosion of identity, values, and long-term purpose is a very real risk in our reactive economy. So let’s talk about the paradox at the heart of EPIC Leadership - the tension between evolution and essence. EPIC Leadership Recap: What It Stands For E mpathy (and Emotional Mastery) P olarity Navigation I ntuition and Inner Compass C ritical (and Conscious) Thinking EPIC Leaders are not just strategic - they are rooted. They dance with change without getting swept away by it. And they know that in order to lead with clarity, they must protect the signal of their long-term vision from the noise of momentary pressure. But that’s not easy. Let’s unpack this. THE TRAP OF HYPER-RESPONSIVENESS We’ve been trained to worship adaptability. And rightly so -it’s a survival skill. But like any strength, overused, it becomes a liability. Constantly reshaping your offerings, your positioning, your priorities based solely on market noise or stakeholder demands can slowly sever you from your deeper identity. What this looks like in practice: You pivot to follow short-term trends... and dilute your brand voice. You say “yes” to every stakeholder request… and confuse your strategic focus. You shift internal values to match external pressures… and lose cultural cohesion. What’s left is a business that’s agile, but hollow. VISION AS A NORTH STAR, NOT A CAGE Some leaders fear that long-term vision will restrict them. That sticking to a big-picture identity or purpose makes them slow, rigid, or “stuck in the past.” But real vision doesn’t handcuff you. Real vision liberates you. From distraction, from dilution, from disconnection. It’s not about stubbornly clinging to old models or becoming tone-deaf to market needs. It’s about filtering the chaos through a deeper sense of purpose. It’s about leading from your center - not the noise. LEARNING FROM THE MAVERICKS Some of the most iconic business innovators didn’t ask customers what they wanted. They showed them what was possible. Steve Jobs famously dismissed focus groups, saying people didn’t know they needed an iPhone. Patagonia refused to compromise its environmental values -even when it cost them market share. LEGO doubled down on imaginative play in an era dominated by digital games -and saw explosive growth. These companies weren’t being arrogant. They were being anchored. They had the courage to hold the field of a long-term vision, even when the winds of market demand blew fiercely in other directions. So… Should You Ignore Your Stakeholders? Absolutely not. Customers, employees, shareholders, and communities offer vital signals about what’s working and what’s not. Listening is essential. But the question is: From where are you listening? Are you listening from fear? From the need to appease? From the desire to please everyone? Or are you listening from groundedness, discernment, and purpose? The former leads to chaos. The latter, to alignment. THE EPIC APPROACH TO THIS DILEMMA Empathy - Honor the voices around you, but don’t lose your own. Polarity - Hold the tension between long-term direction and short-term feedback. It’s not “either-or,” it’s “yes, and.” Intuition - Don’t drown your gut in data. Use your felt sense to guide decisions, even when logic hasn’t caught up. Critical Thinking - Ask: “Is this pressure aligned with where we want to go—or is it just noise?” Separate urgency from importance. Three reflection questions for Leadership Teams: What have we stopped doing that once defined us -and do we miss it? If we had no stakeholders to answer to for one year, what bold vision would we pursue? What do we want to be remembered for -not just next quarter, but in 10 years? FINAL THOUGHT: THE RISK OF THE DRIFT If you don't consciously choose to stay anchored in your long-term purpose, you’ll slowly drift off-course - one reactive decision at a time. But when you lead from identity, from deeper vision, and from what truly resonates with your ecosystem of stakeholders, your adaptability becomes focused -not frantic. So yes, stay flexible. But don’t be a leaf in the wind. Be a river - flowing, adaptive, but always headed toward your ocean. ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org

Why emotional realness - not just polished presence - is the path to true authenticity Growth isn’t always graceful. Sometimes, the most powerful leadership moment is the one you didn’t rehearse. They start the meeting with a compliment. They end it with a takeaway. They nod enthusiastically. They speak in frameworks. They say “Yes, and…” even when they mean “No, not now.” They deliver feedback with perfectly sandwiched phrasing, followed by a slide with the company’s values. They’ve read the books. Attended the offsites. Mastered the language of transformation. And yet… something feels off. You walk out of the meeting energized but empty. You’ve been praised, but not seen. Heard, but not felt. Acknowledged, but not held. Because beneath the polished leadership persona, one question still hums: Where did the human go? WHEN GROWTH CULTURE BECOMES PERFORMANCE CULTURE Let’s be clear: Most modern leadership development is rooted in powerful intention. We teach: Nonviolent communication Constructive feedback Positivity in framing Appreciative inquiry Strengths-based development “Yes, and…” improv mindset Process-oriented objectivity All of this can create psychological safety and unlock creative capacity. But what happens when this positivity becomes a shield? A script? A way to avoid discomfort, honesty, or messy truth? What happens when the creative mindset is no longer a choice, but a requirement? You get “leadership bullshit bingo”. Where leaders echo quotes instead of emotions. Where feedback becomes a ritual, not a reflection. Where “authenticity” is filtered through branding. Where “growth” is an identity to protect, not a process to live. POSITIVITY ISN’T THE PROBLEM. PERFORMATIVE POSITIVITY IS. Being positive doesn’t mean being fake. But being forced to be positive, all the time, is a form of suppression. In today’s corporate culture, even authenticity has a brand. Leaders feel like they can’t: Say “ I’m overwhelmed .” Admit “ I’m not okay today .” Show irritation or anger - even when it’s justified. Be vulnerable without wrapping it in a TED-worthy lesson. We’ve made the reactive state the enemy. And in doing so, we’ve made realness feel risky. IS THERE VALUE IN THE REACTIVE STATE? Absolutely. In the Leadership Circle Profile (LCP) model, we explore two sides of leadership energy: Reactive Tendencies: Driven by fear, need for control, approval, or protection Creative Competencies: Driven by purpose, vision, integrity, and systemic awareness The goal isn’t to banish the reactive -it’s to become conscious of it. Because even the reactive has value: Anger reveals violated values Frustration highlights misalignment Defensiveness shows a boundary Withdrawal signals a need for recovery Judgement can uncover unspoken standards It’s when we suppress the reactive state in favor of “constant creativity” that we lose self-awareness. Reactive isn’t wrong. It’s information. THE TRAP OF OVER-COACHED AUTHENTICITY Here’s the paradox: Leadership programs tell you to be authentic. But then give you a script for how to do it. “ Be real. But be positive. Be vulnerable. But keep it productive. Feel things. But don’t make it messy. Be humble. But on brand .” It creates an internal tension for leaders: “ Am I actually growing - or am I performing growth? ” This is the burnout nobody talks about: Performing evolved leadership 24/7. SO WHAT’S THE MIDDLE PATH? Let’s reclaim a more grounded definition of leadership: Leadership is not being perfect. It’s being present. It’s not about being creative instead of reactive. It’s about knowing when you’re in which - and why. Let’s stop: Shaming leaders for slipping into reactivity Packaging authenticity like a product Pretending positivity is the highest good Judging others for not having the “right” language yet Training humanity out of leadership And let’s start: Normalizing truth Holding space for real emotion Honoring the process, not just the presentation Listening for values beneath reactivity Teaching leaders to recognize -not repress- their internal weather PRACTICAL REFRAMES FOR HONEST LEADERSHIP Instead of… Try… “Yes, and…” on autopilot “ I’m hearing you -and I’m also sitting with something else I need to name honestly .” Over-sanitizing feedback “ Can I share something that might feel raw, but I promise it comes from respect? ” Forcing calm “ I’m feeling a strong emotional reaction here. Can we pause and explore it?” Constant reframing “Before I reframe this - can I just feel it for a second with you?” Denying reactivity “I can feel I’m triggered. Let me step back and look at what that’s showing me.” This is what embodied authenticity looks like. FINAL REFLECTION The goal of leadership development isn’t to create perfect, polished, always-positive avatars. It’s to build leaders who are awake, aware, and willing to be seen. Sometimes they’ll be centered. Sometimes they’ll be raw. Sometimes they’ll show up with answers. Sometimes they’ll show up with questions - or tears. That’s not weakness. That’s integrity. So if you’re a coach, facilitator, or leader yourself - pause before you reach for the next shiny framework. Ask: “ Are we teaching people to grow - or to perform growth? ” “ Are we holding space for truth - or only for tactics ?” Because leadership isn’t a bingo card. It’s a body. It’s a voice. It’s a moment of courage that doesn’t always sound polished. And that’s where transformation actually begins. ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org

What can ethical organizations learn from how underground movements operate? The shadow knows how to move. The light must learn to listen and lead with more than ideals. In leadership development, we talk endlessly about cross-team collaboration. About silos. Culture. Shared purpose. Engagement. Communication. We build capability frameworks. Run strategy offsites. Host alignment workshops. Train people to collaborate better. And still, in many organizations… it’s a struggle. Then you open the news. You read about: Global crime syndicates coordinating across borders with precision Rebel groups pulling off synchronized operations without traditional tech Extremist cells sustaining unwavering loyalty under constant threat Cybercrime rings that adapt faster than Fortune 500 innovation teams And you pause and think: How are these shadow organizations so “effective”? No org charts. No OKRs. No engagement surveys. Just coordination, resilience, trust, execution. Of course, the intention of these groups is harmful. But the dynamics are worth examining. Because what if, in studying the shadow, we find truths that the light forgot? COORDINATION ISN’T ALWAYS ABOUT STRUCTURE. IT’S ABOUT BELIEF Underground networks often thrive because of a shared emotional gravity: A unifying purpose (however misguided) Clear internal roles A story bigger than the self A code of belonging High personal sacrifice for collective gain This is purpose-driven behavior - but twisted. These groups don’t just comply. They commit. They don’t just complete tasks. They embody mission. Which raises a question: Are our organizations struggling not because we lack tools, but because we lack visceral purpose? WHY THE SHADOW ORGANIZES SO WELL Let’s unpack a few reasons why these dark networks move so cohesively: 1. Shared Identity at a Cellular Level Underground groups often foster tribal belonging. It’s not just “what we do” - it’s “who we are.” There is: Ritual Initiation Language Myth Shared suffering Compare that to the average corporate culture where people struggle to even remember the company values. Let alone feel bonded by them. 2. High-Stakes Accountability In these groups, failure has consequences. Loyalty isn’t a value - it’s a currency. And disloyalty has costs. That’s not a recommendation. But it does beg the question: How do we build deep accountability in ethical, non-coercive ways? 3. Simple, Clear Chain of Command Rebel cells and crime syndicates often work with clean hierarchy. Everyone knows: Who makes the call What their role is When to act What not to question While modern orgs prize flatness and empowerment, too much ambiguity creates confusion. Empowerment without clarity becomes chaos. 4. Mission Over Metrics There’s usually one mission. And it’s repeated everywhere. Whether it’s harmful or not, it creates direction. Action isn’t debated - it’s driven. In many corporations, leaders constantly adjust direction mid-flight, rebrand the vision, or flood people with competing objectives. The underground network picks one - and moves as one. WHAT ETHICAL LEADERS CAN LEARN (WITHOUT GLORIFYING HARM) Let’s be crystal clear: This isn’t about copying the structures or ethics of harmful organizations. It’s about learning from their potency, so we can apply that wisdom in positive, principled ways. Here are the learnings: 1. Don’t Just Have a Purpose. Create a Felt Mission. A PowerPoint slide with purpose is not enough. You need a mission that lives in the bloodstream of the organization. Ask: Can everyone in the company say why we exist - in their own words? Is this purpose emotionally resonant - or just business strategy? Do people feel personally connected to the outcome of their work? When mission is real, behavior aligns. No one has to be micromanaged when meaning leads. 2. Design for Belonging, Not Just Compliance Belonging is one of the strongest forces in the human psyche. Organized crime uses it for control. We can use it for community. This means: Onboarding with intention Rituals that matter Peer recognition Real human connection Leaders who show up with presence, not just process 3. Restore the Sacredness of Role In the “dark-side” world, everyone knows their place -not in a disempowered way, but in a mission -critical way. Ethical leadership can restore this clarity by: Clearly defining roles and scopes Honoring the contributions of all levels Eliminating political confusion or unclear decision rights Giving people ownership, not just tasks When people know how they fit in the larger system, they show up with strength. 4. Build Cultures That Operate on Internal Accountability People in underground networks act because they feel it’s their duty. Even when no one is watching. That’s culture. That’s belief. That’s accountability without surveillance. How do we nurture this in ethical orgs? Start by modeling integrity at the top Reward honesty, not just performance Invite feedback on leadership behavior Build systems that treat humans like humans - not just resources 5. Acknowledge Shadow. Integrate It Consciously. One of the reasons we’re fascinated by the efficiency of rebel groups or crime networks is that they don’t pretend the shadow doesn’t exist. They use it. In ethical leadership, the opportunity is to acknowledge the shadow, but alchemize it. Ambition doesn’t need to become greed. Fear can be transformed into urgency and care. Loyalty doesn’t require threats - it requires trust. Complexity doesn’t need control - it needs conscious structure. FINAL REFLECTION Maybe it’s time we stop glamorizing “best practice” and start looking at truthful practice - wherever it shows up. The question isn’t: “Why are unethical groups so effective?” The question is: “What are we afraid to admit about how humans actually bond, commit, and move as one?” Because organizations that heal the world will still need to: Coordinate like a unit Move with shared belief Stand for something bigger than strategy Create loyalty that can’t be bought - only earned Build cultures where trust is felt, not marketed And they’ll do it not through fear or coercion. But through clarity, courage, and human connection. Because the light doesn’t have to be less organized than the dark. It just has to be more awake. ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org

In business, just like the body, pressure in one place often impacts another. Leadership isn’t about pushing harder. It’s knowing where to release pressure—so the whole system can breathe again In traditional Chinese medicine, acupuncture doesn’t treat symptoms in isolation. It works with energy channels -meridians- subtle yet powerful pathways that connect different organs, emotions, and systems within the body. Touch the right point on the ankle, and it can affect the head. Release tension in the wrist, and it calms the heart. Because everything is connected. And sometimes, the cause is nowhere near the effect. Now imagine leading a business the same way. Not as a machine, but as a living, interconnected system of relationships, patterns, and flows. This is the work of a conscious CEO. To sense the system. To read the meridians of the culture. To know that every decision has a pulse - and that pulse travels far beyond the boardroom. WELCOME TO THE LEADERSHIP MERIDIAN MAP Most CEOs are taught to think in org charts, P&Ls, and KPIs. But beneath that structure lies another map: Emotional undercurrents Cultural pressure points Hidden bottlenecks in communication Unseen influencers in teams Energetic misalignments between strategy and spirit Just like the body has meridians, so does the business. And when the energy in those meridians is blocked, over-stimulated, or ignored? Teams lose trust. Customers feel the disconnect. Culture becomes reactive. Innovation stalls. Stakeholders sense the misalignment -even if no one can name it. EXAMPLES OF BUSINESS MERIDIANS IN ACTION Let’s take a few unexpected cause-and-effect examples: 1. A rushed product launch creates burnout in HR Why? Because hiring, onboarding, and internal comms all scramble to catch up. The pressure in the “sales” meridian overflows into the “people” channel. 2. A small values misstep in leadership shows up as customer distrust A leader cuts ethical corners under pressure. It doesn’t hit the news—but employees talk. Energy drops. Customers feel the drop in presence on calls or in service. Brand erosion starts energetically. 3. A toxic manager in one team causes disengagement across the org They’re in a different region or department, but their energy spreads through side chats, hesitation, mistrust. People start holding back. Innovation contracts. 4. A missed stakeholder check-in impacts a major project’s trajectory Not because they objected—but because their absence sent a signal. Alignment weakens. Teams start second-guessing priorities. Strategy loses coherence. In each case, the CEO may not “see” the connection. But the system does. And that’s the wisdom acupuncture teaches us: Energy travels beyond logic. HOW DOES A CEO APPLY ENERGETIC AWARENESS? This doesn’t mean abandoning analysis. It means expanding your perception. Here are five principles to lead like an energetic architect: 1. Scan Beyond the Obvious Don’t just ask what’s broken. Ask what’s blocked. Where is energy stagnant in the culture? What team feels disconnected from purpose? What parts of the system are under- or over-stimulated? Like an acupuncturist, your job is to sense where flow needs restoration. 2. Understand That Decisions Echo There are no isolated changes. A restructure affects psychological safety. A shift in values affects recruitment tone. A policy tweak affects brand resonance. An ignored voice in a stakeholder meeting affects innovation 3 months later. Everything you do sends a signal…. somewhere. 3. Restore Flow, Don’t Just Force Output Instead of asking, “Why are we stuck?” Try asking, “Where is energy being withheld, and why?” Maybe it’s an unspoken fear. A broken trust. A brilliant idea no one feels safe enough to say. Or a team that’s overused and under-celebrated. Unblock the energy-not just the process. 4. Trust That Culture Is a Body, Not a Poster You don’t fix culture with a slogan. You heal it with attunement. Culture is how people feel when no one is watching. It’s how energy moves (or doesn’t) through the corridors. When people don’t feel seen, safe, or aligned? That’s an internal blockage. And no townhall will move that until presence returns. 5. Tune into the Feedback Loops Every business system gives energetic feedback, not just financial. What are your customers really sensing from your brand? How do your frontline employees feel when they show up to work? What unspoken pattern do your stakeholders keep circling back to? Where does your intuition whisper that something’s off? These are the meridians of impact. Listen to them. They’re wiser than the metrics alone. A NEW KIND OF CEO LEADERSHIP To lead like this isn’t soft. It’s systemic. It’s courageous. It requires deep presence. Because the CEOs of the future won’t just drive strategy. They’ll steward ecosystems. They’ll learn to work with: Energy, not just effort Intuition, not just instruction Culture, not just compliance Resonance, not just results And they’ll do it not by pushing -but by releasing the right pressure at the right point. Just like a master acupuncturist. FINAL REFLECTION You don’t need needles to shift a business. You need awareness. You need trust in the system. You need the ability to see what’s not being said, and to feel what the spreadsheet doesn’t show. Because leadership today isn’t about knowing every answer. It’s about sensing the meridians of meaning that run through people, purpose, and possibility. And knowing just where to touch - to let the energy flow again. ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org

You can’t eliminate tension. But you can lead through it - with power and grace. Polarity isn’t something to fix. It’s something to feel - until it reveals what only tension can teach We live in a world of polarities. Speed vs. sustainability. Hierarchy vs. autonomy. Logic vs. intuition. Performance vs. well-being. Tradition vs. transformation. Now vs. next. For leaders, these aren’t theoretical debates. They show up in your calendar. Your meetings. Your team tensions. Your strategy decisions. The old mindset says: “Pick a side. Solve it. Push through.” But the most impactful leaders today know that polarity is not a problem to fix. It’s a tension to navigate. A relationship to hold. A dynamic to lead through. Because polarity -if held well- can be a source of alignment, growth, and deeper clarity. THE NATURE OF POLARITY Polarity exists when two seemingly opposing forces are both true - and both necessary. For example: Innovation needs structure. Freedom needs boundaries. Confidence needs humility. Speed needs reflection. The individual needs the collective. You can’t permanently “solve” these. Trying to do so just creates resistance - or collapse. The real task is integration. To lead like a bridge - not a battleground. THE UPSIDE OF DIVISION Strange as it may sound, polarity has a hidden gift for leaders: It forces clarity: What do we truly value? It reveals assumptions: What are we protecting, and why? It triggers growth: Are we willing to evolve our thinking? It brings hidden voices to the surface It pushes us into deeper listening, not just louder talking As the saying goes: “The opposite of a profound truth may also be true.” A skilled leader doesn’t deny tension. They learn to dance with it. LEADING THROUGH POLARITIES: A NEW PLAYBOOK Here are some strategies leaders can use to turn division into design - and polarization into possibility: Name the Polarity Out Loud Leaders often make the mistake of pretending everything is aligned -even when the room is split. Instead, say: “ It seems we’re holding two truths here .” “I’m hearing the need for both structure and speed.” “ We’re sitting inside a tension -and that’s okay .” When you name it, people exhale. The pressure to “win” disappears. Now, it’s about navigating, not negating. Find the Wisdom in Both Sides Every polarity contains value. Ask: What’s the gift of each side? What’s the fear each side is trying to avoid? What’s the shadow of each perspective when it dominates? You’re not trying to flatten the conflict. You’re trying to elevate the conversation. Bridge with a Third Horizon When a team is stuck in “either/or,” introduce a third question: “What’s the bigger outcome we all want?” This invites alignment at a higher level, like: A healthy culture and high performance Speed with stability Innovation without losing identity The third horizon shifts the room from sides… to shared purpose. Work with Systemic Archetypes Sometimes, polarities show up in human form: The risk-taker vs. the stabilizer The visionary vs. the operator The challenger vs. the harmonizer Don’t silence one. Instead, ask each to reflect the blind spots of the other. Let roles become mirrors, not enemies. When seen this way, division becomes design: a living system of balance. Hold Space Without Needing Resolution (Yet) Great leaders know: not all tensions need immediate fixing. Sometimes, just holding the discomfort together is the most powerful move. Say: “ Let’s sit in this tension another day .” “ I don’t want us to choose quickly, I want us to see clearly .” “ Let’s not rush to solutions. Let’s listen to the polarity until it teaches us something .” This is not indecision. It’s wisdom. THE LEADER AS BRIDGE In polarized systems, someone must hold the middle. Not in passivity, but in presence. This doesn’t mean compromising your values. It means expanding your view. You become: The translator between camps The weaver of narratives The integrator of opposites The one who builds bridges where others build walls You model what the team needs: Clarity without rigidity. Conviction without control. Empathy without over-identification. A PRACTICE: POLARITY MAPPING Try this with your team or in reflection: Identify the tension (e.g., stability vs. innovation) Map the upside of each pole Name the downside if it dominates Ask: What would integration look like? What’s the shared outcome both poles want? This simple process creates space for curiosity instead of control. “DIVIDE AND CONQUER” VS. “UNITE AND EVOLVE” It’s true that in the past, power used division to rule. That’s where “divide and conquer” came from. But the leaders of the future don’t divide to dominate. They see the divisions - and choose to lead from integration. They unite teams. They restore trust. They cultivate innovation by honoring difference. And they know: Every tension is a teacher. Every polarity holds the seed of transformation. FINAL REFLECTION Leadership isn’t about eliminating conflict. It’s about creating spaces where conflict becomes clarity. So the next time you walk into a room divided by tension, don’t flinch. Breathe. Name what’s true. Invite what’s missing. Ask what’s possible. Because polarity is not the end of alignment. It’s the beginning of something deeper - if you’re brave enough to lead through it. ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org

What masterful facilitators, speakers, and leaders do - without anyone quite knowing how. The most powerful leaders don’t take the stage. They hold the space where others rise. You’ve probably felt it before. You walk into a room. The meeting hasn’t started yet, but something shifts. A person enters. They don’t speak loudly. They don’t demand attention. But the energy changes. It settles. It sharpens. It opens. Suddenly, people are more present. More connected. More alive. That person`- whether they’re leading the team, facilitating the process, or guiding the dialogue- is doing something extraordinary. They are holding the field. And while it may seem like magic, it’s not a trick. It’s a skill. A practice. An energy of leadership that transcends strategy, structure, or words. Let’s explore what it really means to hold the field, and what qualities make certain leaders feel like hypnotists, magicians, or modern-day mystics without ever leaving reality. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO “HOLD THE FIELD”? “Holding the field” is a phrase used often in facilitation, systems coaching, and energetic leadership, but it’s rarely explained clearly. So, let’s define it: Holding the field is the invisible leadership act of stabilizing the emotional, energetic, and relational space - so that trust, depth, dialogue, and transformation can unfold. It’s like being the invisible bowl around the conversation. The container. The grounded presence that allows everything else to happen. It’s not just about what you say. It’s about who you are being, and how others feel in your presence. It’s presence. It’s attention. It’s a felt sense of safety and invitation, without control. THE LEADER AS MAGICIAN, HYPNOTIST, OR ALCHEMIST Leaders who hold the field well often feel otherworldly. Not because they’re supernatural, but because they’re tuned into something deeper than most people are used to. They embody: Stillness without stagnation Focus without force Confidence without ego Invitation without manipulation Spaciousness without chaos They’re not casting spells. They’re casting attention. They’re not hypnotizing people into agreement. They’re inviting people into presence. They’re the facilitator who reads the unspoken. The panel host who brings out the gold in each voice. The leader who says little but makes everyone feel seen. The coach who asks one question, and the room falls silent in awakening. They don’t overpower the moment. They partner with it. WHAT ARE THESE LEADERS ACTUALLY DOING? Let’s make the invisible visible. Here are some of the skills and inner stances great field-holders bring: Grounding Their Own Energy First Before leading others, they lead themselves. They arrive grounded. Rooted. Not rushing in from another fire. Not multitasking mentally. They’re here. With you. Fully. They regulate the space by regulating themselves. Reading the Room Subtly They don’t just listen to what’s said. They listen to what’s not said. They notice tension, emotion, withdrawal, curiosity - often before it’s verbalized. Their awareness is panoramic. Becoming the Bowl, Not the Spoon They don’t stir the pot for the sake of action. They become the bowl that holds the ingredients. They create safety and permission - then let emergence happen. They know: Containment is power, not control. Holding Polarities Without Needing to Fix Them Where others rush to solve or simplify, they stay centered. They can hold: Conflict without collapsing. Emotion without absorbing. Silence without awkwardness. Complexity without needing quick clarity. This is emotional agility in motion. Sensing the System, Not Just the Individuals They sense the whole field: the team, the culture, the history, the tension, the unspoken agreements. They don’t just facilitate tasks. They facilitate transformation, because they’re attuned to the system’s deeper pulse. WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE WHEN SOMEONE HOLDS THE FIELD? Ask yourself: Have you ever felt unexpectedly safe in a conversation? Have you ever opened up more than usual without quite knowing why? Have you ever been in a room where everyone felt more intelligent, connected, and honest just because one person was present? That’s it. That’s the feeling of a field being held. It’s not charisma. It’s not performance. It’s energetic integrity. ARE LEADERS BORN WITH THIS SKILL? Some are naturally more intuitive. More empathetic. More aware of group dynamics. But any leader can learn to hold the field more consciously. It starts with: Stillness Deep listening Inner clarity Spaciousness A commitment to serve the space - not dominate it. It’s not a “stage presence.” It’s a sacred presence. What Happens When No One Holds the Field? Chaos. Talking over each other. Surface-level answers. Confusion. Power struggles. Energy leaks. In teams, it shows up as: Fragmentation Burnout Apathy People not feeling heard - even if they speak all the time Without the field being held, the potential of the group leaks out the sides. THE NEW LEADERSHIP SUPERPOWER Holding the field may not show up on a KPI report. It may never appear in a job description. But in the moments that matter? It’s the skill that determines whether transformation happens, or doesn’t. In adaptive leadership, systems change, coaching, and facilitation work - this is the invisible thread that holds everything together. And it’s not flashy. But it’s felt. Deeply. Immediately. FINAL REFLECTION We’ve been trained to believe that leadership is about driving action, commanding attention, or having the best ideas. But the next generation of leaders? They don’t drive, command, or perform. They hold space. They create room for insight. For emergence. For truth. For shared humanity. They become bowls. Anchors. Vessels. The ones who carry the moment without having to carry the spotlight. They are the quiet magicians. The grounded alchemists. The ones who change everything, without forcing anything. So the next time you walk into a room, ask yourself: What field am I creating by how I show up? What might become possible- if I choose to hold it? And then - don’t overthink it. Because the magic of holding the field doesn’t come from control. It comes from presence. From embodiment. From becoming one with the moment, not trying to manage it.

What to do when your boss checks all the boxes - except psychological safety. When leadership feels like praise on the outside but pressure on the inside, trust the tension. Your truth doesn’t need permission to be valid They tell you you’re brilliant. They call you their favorite. They say you’re the only one they trust to deliver magic under pressure. They praise you. Smile at you. Speak with velvet tones and motivational flair. They treat you like the hero. But somehow, you’re exhausted. Unsettled. Drained. And even though the words are kind… something doesn’t feel right. And you start wondering: “Is it me? Am I overreacting?” That’s the thing about workplace gaslighting. It rarely comes with shouting. It often comes with compliments. WHAT IS GASLIGHTING - REALLY? Gaslighting is the psychological manipulation that makes you question your reality. It distorts the truth subtly enough that you start doubting your own instincts. In leadership, gaslighting doesn’t always look like denial or deception. Sometimes, it looks like this: "I totally understand this is a big ask - but I know you always rise to the occasion." "You’re my top performer. I’d never ask this of someone who couldn’t handle it." "I trust your magic - you always pull it off last minute." "You’re just too good - that’s why I keep coming to you." It sounds flattering. But it feels like pressure. And it subtly erodes your trust in yourself. THE HIDDEN TOLL: WHY IT DRAINS YOU SO DEEPLY This kind of leadership dynamic is especially exhausting because: You’re constantly performing to meet invisible standards. You feel guilty for having boundaries. You start to believe your well-being is a weakness. You don’t know how to speak up - because everything looks great on the surface. You second-guess your discomfort, because no one else seems to notice. And slowly, psychological safety slips away. Not through yelling. But through manipulative kindness. NICENESS ≠ SAFETY Let’s be clear: A “nice” boss is not necessarily a safe leader. Psychological safety isn’t about politeness. It’s about the ability to: Ask questions without fear Speak truth without punishment Challenge ideas without retaliation Set boundaries without guilt If you’re praised constantly but never feel you can say no or not now… You’re not safe. You’re being groomed to be agreeable - not to be honest. WHEN LEADERSHIP BECOMES A PERFORMANCE Some leaders genuinely mean well, but have never learned to lead with transparency. Others use charm as a smokescreen. In both cases, here’s what happens: Praise becomes pressure Deadlines become tests of loyalty Empathy becomes performance theater You become less of a person - and more of a resource The result? You start erasing your own signals. You override exhaustion. You normalize anxiety. You mistake manipulation for motivation. That’s when gaslighting becomes internalized. SO… WHAT CAN YOU DO? Here are a few steps to break the cycle and rebuild clarity and voice: Name the Pattern to Yourself Don’t wait for someone else to validate it. Your body knows when something feels off. If you feel: Drained after every “nice” 1:1 Guilty for needing time or saying no Pressured under the weight of constant flattery Then pause. That’s a sign of manipulative leadership dynamics, not partnership. Separate Praise from Expectation Just because someone says, “I believe in you,” doesn’t mean their ask is reasonable. Flattery is not a contract. And you are not obligated to say yes because someone compliments your capabilities. Have a Courageous Conversation This part is hard, but vital. Use language like: “I appreciate your confidence in me, and I want to clarify expectations to make sure we’re aligned.” “I’ve noticed that some requests come with very tight timelines. Can we discuss realistic scopes going forward?” “It’s important to me to deliver excellent work—and that includes knowing when to ask for more time.” If they dismiss, deflect, or double down? That tells you everything. Track the Disconnect Between Words and Actions Trust what they do, not what they say. If praise comes with unrealistic pressure, If encouragement is used to bypass consent, If empathy is performative but boundaries are punished… Then it’s not leadership. It’s emotional manipulation. Reclaim Your Boundaries and Voice You don’t need to make a dramatic exit to begin protecting your energy. Start by: Saying “I’ll get back to you once I’ve reviewed the scope.” Asking for prioritization before accepting stacked tasks. Taking short breaks to re-ground yourself. Seeking external coaching, HR support, or peer validation. You deserve to feel safe, not just appreciated. YOU’RE NOT OVERREACTING. YOU’RE OVER-ADAPTING. One of the cruelest effects of gaslighting is that it makes you believe your exhaustion is irrational. But let’s flip that: What if your hyper-productivity is the irrational part? What if your doubt is actually wisdom? What if your body is just trying to tell you: This is not sustainable - and it’s not okay. FINAL REFLECTION Not all harmful leaders are tyrants. Some of the most dangerous leadership dynamics are coated in compliments, smiles, and soothing tones. The voice of Galadriel or Prince Charming doesn’t make the pressure less real. In fact, it makes it harder to name. But you get to name it anyway. You get to ask for clarity. You get to set boundaries. You get to stop proving yourself in silence. Psychological safety isn’t a bonus. It’s a baseline. And courageous conversations aren’t acts of rebellion. They are acts of self-respect. Because the most important voice to listen to isn’t your boss’s. It’s your own. ©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org