The Dance Between Me and We

What the Tango -and Adaptive Leadership- Teach Us About Culture, Connection, and Leading from the Inside Out

Leadership is a dance between self-expression and attunement - those who listen deeply move most powerfully

Leadership isn't a solo performance. It's a dance.

Not the kind where you memorize steps and perform to impress, but the kind where you have to feel the rhythm, sense the space, and move in constant dialogue with the people around you.

If you’ve ever watched two people dance the Tango, you’ll know what I mean.

There’s no fixed routine. There’s no domination. And while one person leads and one follows, the magic lies in the mutual listening -through posture, energy, micro-movements. It’s less about control, and more about attunement.

That’s exactly the kind of leadership we need today.

And it begins with learning to balance the tension between "Me" and "We."

ME AND WE: THE LEADERSHIP POLARITY

“Me” is about authenticity.

It’s knowing your values, your story, your personal rhythm. It’s owning your space without apology.

“We” is about attunement.

It’s noticing the energy in the room, adjusting your steps, and responding to what the team or system needs from you.

Lean too far into one, and the dance falls apart.

All “Me” with no “We”? You lead from ego, not impact.

All “We” with no “Me”? You lose your voice - and your edge.

Great leaders -like great dancers- know how to stay grounded in their own presence while tuning into the presence of others. They move from the inside out and the outside in. They don’t dominate. They connect.

ENTER THE BALCONY AND THE DANCE

In adaptive leadership, Ronald Heifetz introduced the metaphor of “being on the balcony and in the dance.”

It’s brilliant.

The dance is the action: the conversations, tensions, team dynamics, and decisions playing out in real time.

The balcony is the higher view: the systems perspective, the patterns, the emotional undercurrents you miss when you're fully immersed.

Strong leaders learn to do both.

They move with their team, feel what’s happening on the ground…

And they rise above, reflect, and recalibrate with perspective.

It’s not either/or. It’s a practice of presence.

THE TANGO AS A LEADERSHIP MIRROR

Tango isn’t about performing for the audience.

It’s about mutual trust, subtle energy, and improvisation within shared purpose.

Let’s draw some parallels:

There’s no set script, just shared intention

Like in modern leadership, the steps aren’t predefined. You move toward a common goal, but how you get there depends on constant feedback.

Leading and following are co-created

In Tango, “leading” doesn’t mean controlling. It means proposing a direction, while listening deeply to how your partner responds.

That’s leadership today: inviting direction, not imposing it.

MISTAKES ARE PART OF THE ART

When something unexpected happens, good dancers don’t freeze. They adapt. They laugh. They find new steps.

That’s resilience. That’s presence.

CONNECTION IS EVERYTHING

Without connection, it’s just movement. With connection, it becomes meaning.

LEADING CULTURE FROM THE INSIDE OUT

Culture isn’t what’s written on your website. It’s how you show up in the everyday dance of work.

And make no mistake: as a leader, you are always dancing with culture.

The question is whether you’re doing it consciously, or just going through the motions.

HERE’S HOW TO STAY IN STEP:

1. Know your rhythm (Me)

What are your non-negotiables?

Where are you trying to impress instead of express?

What truth are you holding back that could invite real change?

2. Read the room (We)

Who speaks most—and who stays silent?

What does the team energy feel like under pressure?

Where is the group dancing in sync - and where are people stepping on each other’s toes?

3. Step back to the balcony

What patterns keep repeating?

Where do emotional undercurrents shape decisions?

What system are you reinforcing by how you respond?

THE MOST POWERFUL LEADERS ARE... DANCERS

They don’t control the tempo -they co-create it.

They don’t pretend to know every step -they trust their instincts and the wisdom of the room.

And they know when to move forward, when to slow down, and when to pause and breathe.

Most importantly, they know that leadership is never a solo.

It’s a series of shared improvisations that shape not only outcomes, but who we become along the way.

A PROMPT TO REFLECT:

Where in your leadership are you over-choreographed -and where do you need to rediscover the rhythm of the moment?

And… are you spending enough time on the balcony to understand the bigger dance?

LEAD LIKE A DANCER

Forget perfection.

Lead with presence.

Listen with your whole body.

Let culture move through you- not around you.

Because the leaders who will shape the future won’t be those who march to the beat of their own drum.

They’ll be the ones who co-create the music.

And dance -beautifully, bravely, unscripted.