When Positivity Becomes a Performance: The Shadow Side of Leadership Growth Culture

Why emotional realness - not just polished presence - is the path to true authenticity

Growth isn’t always graceful. Sometimes, the most powerful leadership moment is the one you didn’t rehearse.

They start the meeting with a compliment.

They end it with a takeaway.

They nod enthusiastically.

They speak in frameworks.

They say “Yes, and…” even when they mean “No, not now.”

They deliver feedback with perfectly sandwiched phrasing, followed by a slide with the company’s values.

They’ve read the books.

Attended the offsites.

Mastered the language of transformation.

And yet… something feels off.

You walk out of the meeting energized but empty.

You’ve been praised, but not seen.

Heard, but not felt.

Acknowledged, but not held.

Because beneath the polished leadership persona, one question still hums:

Where did the human go?

WHEN GROWTH CULTURE BECOMES PERFORMANCE CULTURE

Let’s be clear: Most modern leadership development is rooted in powerful intention.

We teach:

Nonviolent communication

Constructive feedback

Positivity in framing

Appreciative inquiry

Strengths-based development

“Yes, and…” improv mindset

Process-oriented objectivity

All of this can create psychological safety and unlock creative capacity.

But what happens when this positivity becomes a shield?

A script?

A way to avoid discomfort, honesty, or messy truth?

What happens when the creative mindset is no longer a choice, but a requirement?

You get “leadership bullshit bingo”.

Where leaders echo quotes instead of emotions.

Where feedback becomes a ritual, not a reflection.

Where “authenticity” is filtered through branding.

Where “growth” is an identity to protect, not a process to live.

POSITIVITY ISN’T THE PROBLEM. PERFORMATIVE POSITIVITY IS.

Being positive doesn’t mean being fake.

But being forced to be positive, all the time, is a form of suppression.

In today’s corporate culture, even authenticity has a brand.

Leaders feel like they can’t:

Say “I’m overwhelmed.”

Admit “I’m not okay today.”

Show irritation or anger - even when it’s justified.

Be vulnerable without wrapping it in a TED-worthy lesson.

We’ve made the reactive state the enemy.

And in doing so, we’ve made realness feel risky.

IS THERE VALUE IN THE REACTIVE STATE?

Absolutely.

In the Leadership Circle Profile (LCP) model, we explore two sides of leadership energy:

Reactive Tendencies: Driven by fear, need for control, approval, or protection

Creative Competencies: Driven by purpose, vision, integrity, and systemic awareness

The goal isn’t to banish the reactive -it’s to become conscious of it.

Because even the reactive has value:

Anger reveals violated values

Frustration highlights misalignment

Defensiveness shows a boundary

Withdrawal signals a need for recovery

Judgement can uncover unspoken standards

It’s when we suppress the reactive state in favor of “constant creativity” that we lose self-awareness.

Reactive isn’t wrong.

It’s information.

THE TRAP OF OVER-COACHED AUTHENTICITY

Here’s the paradox:

Leadership programs tell you to be authentic.

But then give you a script for how to do it.

“Be real. But be positive.

Be vulnerable. But keep it productive.

Feel things. But don’t make it messy.

Be humble. But on brand.”

It creates an internal tension for leaders:

“Am I actually growing - or am I performing growth?”

This is the burnout nobody talks about:

Performing evolved leadership 24/7.

SO WHAT’S THE MIDDLE PATH?

Let’s reclaim a more grounded definition of leadership:

Leadership is not being perfect.

It’s being present.

It’s not about being creative instead of reactive.

It’s about knowing when you’re in which - and why.

Let’s stop:

Shaming leaders for slipping into reactivity

Packaging authenticity like a product

Pretending positivity is the highest good

Judging others for not having the “right” language yet

Training humanity out of leadership

And let’s start:

Normalizing truth

Holding space for real emotion

Honoring the process, not just the presentation

Listening for values beneath reactivity

Teaching leaders to recognize -not repress- their internal weather

PRACTICAL REFRAMES FOR HONEST LEADERSHIP

Instead of… Try…

“Yes, and…” on autopilot “I’m hearing you -and I’m also sitting with something else I need to name honestly.”

Over-sanitizing feedback “Can I share something that might feel raw, but I promise it comes from respect?”

Forcing calm “I’m feeling a strong emotional reaction here. Can we pause and explore it?”

Constant reframing “Before I reframe this - can I just feel it for a second with you?”

Denying reactivity “I can feel I’m triggered. Let me step back and look at what that’s showing me.”

This is what embodied authenticity looks like.

FINAL REFLECTION

The goal of leadership development isn’t to create perfect, polished, always-positive avatars.

It’s to build leaders who are awake, aware, and willing to be seen.

Sometimes they’ll be centered.

Sometimes they’ll be raw.

Sometimes they’ll show up with answers.

Sometimes they’ll show up with questions - or tears.

That’s not weakness.

That’s integrity.

So if you’re a coach, facilitator, or leader yourself - pause before you reach for the next shiny framework.

Ask:

“Are we teaching people to grow - or to perform growth?”

“Are we holding space for truth - or only for tactics?”

Because leadership isn’t a bingo card.

It’s a body.

It’s a voice.

It’s a moment of courage that doesn’t always sound polished.

And that’s where transformation actually begins.

©2025 Kinsey Hartwell – www.unscripted-leadership.org